For the past two decades I’ve been researching people’s sexual difficulties, alongside offering them advice through my agony columns. Sexual problems continue to concern many people, who are often unsure what they can do to help themselves.
One way to give/get help is for people to share stories about their experiences. To that end, I am currently making a programme for BBC Radio Four with Loftus Media about erection problems.
The programme producers and I are looking for potential interviewees. We would like to hear your experiences so we can highlight something that is very common but not openly discussed.
The programme will be broadcast in June of this year (2017) and will be 30 minutes long. I will be interviewing contributors for the programme. If you were willing to talk to me, you would not need to reveal your identity.
We are looking to hear from adult men of any age who can talk about erection problems. This might be a current issue, or something you experienced in the past. We are keen to speak to men who have had erection problems related to physical illness (including as a consequence of clinical treatments), as well as those whose erection difficulties might have a psychological cause. Alternatively you may have erection problems but aren’t sure why.
Interviews will take about 20 minutes and will be a very informal conversation. They will be pre-recorded (not live) so you can go back and retake any answer you aren’t happy with or would like to clarify points you have made.
Questions we might cover include….
– What erection problems do you have?
– Do you know what caused your erection difficulties?
– How did having erection difficulties make you feel?
– How did your partner support you (or not)?
– In what way did you seek help yourself?
– What was useful and why? What wasn’t?
– What treatment (if any) has helped?
– How do you accept erection dysfunction if treatment doesn’t work and you don’t want/qualify for surgery?
– Do men find it difficult to talk about this subject? What is key to changing how we discuss erection problems?
If you are interested, or have any questions and would like to chat further before committing to an interview, please get in touch via email with producer Henrietta Harrison email@example.com
We look forward to hearing from you and appreciate any help you can give us and other listeners.
“I’m all at sea”, “I’ve been left high and dry”, “I’ve lost my mainstay”, I’m rudderless”. When it comes to advice giving people frequently draw upon nautical metaphors to explain their situation.
They also talk of needing, or losing, their guiding star. Sometimes putting the agony aunt or uncle into this role, whether they want to be there or not.
In my conversations with established agony aunts (those who’ve been doing the job for 20+ years or longer) most agree not all problems are easy to address, some are impossible to solve, and since the job comes with no training manual very often you’re doing the best you can as you go along. Or as one agony aunt described it “there’s no star to guide me”.
Some months later, when putting this project together, I was thinking about how to illustrate both the experience of seeking advice through the media, and what it felt like to give advice. I returned to the idea of being lost at sea and searching for a star to guide you to a place of safety.
Who can I turn to
When nobody needs me?
My heart wants to know
And so I must go
Where destiny leads me
With no star to guide me
And no one beside me
I’ll go on my way
And after the day
The darkness will hide me
Any maybe tomorrow
I’ll find what I’m after
I’ll throw off my sorrow
Beg, steal or borrow
My share of laughter
With you I could learn to
With you on a new day
But who can I turn to
If you turn away?
I worked with local artist and friend Adam McNaught-Davis to create the image you can see on the homepage. Adam had already created a range of images of the Sussex coastline I liked. I wondered if they could be incorporated into the story of the agony aunt saying she’d no star to guide her.
I’d also been given a gift by my children. A necklace made by Shannon Westmeyer which used an 18th century seal to show cupid searching for the Polar Star, and the inscription ‘if I lose you I am lost’ which brought in the little character in the boat.
All of these came together with the idea of a seascape with someone feeling ‘all at sea’. Over several conversations and at least one bottle of wine we worked with Adam’s sketches and my requests that we included someone who was lost and searching in rough sea, where a coastline was visible to the viewer but not necessarily to the person who was lost. The person in the boat could be of any age, race or gender. And be either the person with the problem or the advice columnist trying to help them. And although our local coastline was featured, the stormy scene could be potentially anywhere in the world.
The aim was for anyone who saw the picture to be able to project their own story onto the picture. They might be able to find the shore (and refuge). But equally they may stay lost and potentially at risk. Outside of advice giving and our picture this is something that remains an issue within the fishing industry which is the most dangerous peace-time occupation to be in, and the loss of fishermen to their families is an often unrecognised tragedy.
Finding ourselves within the seascape
When you use cartooning to represent issues or problems, either overtly as is the case in much modern advice giving or perhaps more subtly as is the case in the illustration for this website, you can find yourself within a picture.
When Adam showed me the drafts of the picture I was struck by the person in the boat. It reminded me of another local landmark. The beautiful Mary Stanford Memorial near Rye Harbour. This was meaningful to me as I accidentally found it many years ago when, following a miscarriage, I’d gone away for a break in Rye to try and not think about it being Mother’s Day weekend. And how I wasn’t one. In the absence of any memorial for the pregnancy I’d lost this became the next best thing.
Adam shared how on looking back at the drawing he sees the ending from the children’s programme In The Night Garden. Perhaps unconsciously influenced by watching this with his young son.
Aside from the ideas I shared with Adam to make the picture, and the references to the sea from agony aunt interviews and people’s writing about their problems, I was able to bring my family history into the picture.
My maternal grandfather was a trawlerman, my grandmother a netbraider. But outside of this both were highly practical people who, if something needed to be done, tended to just get on and do it. Whether that was setting up a youth club or latterly an older people’s community centre. In particular my grandmother was certainly the epitome of a ‘real life’ agony aunt – someone you could share your problems with over the kitchen table with a pot of tea.
Which is perhaps the best way to think about an agony aunt or uncle. Someone you could have a chat with if you needed to. Tea remains optional. Hopefully together you’ll find a safe harbour.